Actual Conversations of Late
Previous Volumes
Student: Do you believe in ghosts?
Me: No
Student: You know this school is haunted, right?
Me: We need to move on with our lesson. If it was Halloween, I would be more than happy to talk about ghosts. Sadly, it's Christmas. And, Christmas has nothing to do with ghosts.
Student: What about the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future?
Me: Well...you've got me there. We still have to get back to our lesson, though.
Another Student: You just got boomeranged!
Apparently, one of our English teachers calls it boomeranging someone when you prove them wrong. I guess they did boomerang me...
--
Me: Put up your phone.
Student: Okay.
<Two minutes later>
Me: I can see that. Put up your phone.
Student: Oh, I really thought you weren't going to see me that time.
Me: Don't you know I have an all-seeing eye?
Student: What?
Me: I have an all-seeing eye.
Student: You have an ulcer in your eye?
Me: No...
--
I don't know why I'm like this today. Usually, everything you say is NOT funny to me.. But, today everything you say is funny. I guess it's the Christmas spirit inside of me or something.
Thanks...
--
<While discussing a future relationship situation that I might find myself in someday. For this to make sense, you do have to know that I'm a vegetarian.>
He'll be eating a 48 ounce steak, and you'll be eating a 48 ounce salad.
This was followed, of course, by uproarious laughter from my entire class. Oooh...what would a 48 ounce salad look like? What size bowl would it be in? I can see a math problem forming...
--
While making an ordered pair foldable:
Me: When you open up the outside flaps of the foldable, you will find another foldable inside. Isn't it just adorable?
Student: I see what you did there.
<Laughter>
Me: I don't get it.
Student: A"door"able
Me: Pun unintended. That time. It will be definitely intended, though, for the rest of the day!
--
Me: Can you believe that tomorrow is November?
Student: No. What month comes next? January?
Obviously, this conversation took place on Halloween...
--
Student: Why do we have to go to school on Halloween?
Me: Because it's not a National holiday.
Student: But, they celebrate it all across the US. Doesn't that make it national?
I guess I should have said federal holiday. They did have a point.
--
After telling students a joke that a kid at my church shared with me:
"That's so funny I fell off my pet dinosaur."
"That's so funny I have tears running down my leg."
--
I named my fish "Smithy." It's actually short for "Will Smith." I named him that because he's my only black fish.
So terrible.
--
So, you drive a grandma car, you own a bunch of cats, and you have a box of barbies in your cabinet. I'm worried about you.
My students make me feel so loved. And, for the record, I do not own a cat. And, I don't think I drive a grandma car. I do have a box of barbies, however. How else could we do Barbie Bungee later in the year???
--
One day, I didn't notice the lights flicker. This led to this proclamation:
"Either we're all on meth and you're not, or you're on meth."
--
Ms. Hagan, I have something I need to get off my chest. My cousin thinks you're cute, and he wants me to ask you out for him...but he's kind of a blank space...
I have no idea who her cousin is, and I don't even want to know.
--
Me: Why does everybody keep commenting on my hair?
Student: Well, it does look like you just woke up.
Another Student: Have you been outside recently?
Me: No.
Yet Another Student: Maybe you've stood by an open window recently? (I think this girl was really trying to make it better...)
Me: No.
Next time, I will just keep my observations to myself!
--
Me: If you can't be kind, be quiet.
Student: Wait! I thought it was if you can't be kind, say two nice things.
--
I saw hexaflexagons in my dream last night.
Yes!
--
Student: Ms. Hagan, can I come in here at lunch?
Me: Yes. You can always come in my room at lunch.
<Student stalks off, angrily.>
Student: I have black contacts in. No one has noticed my different eye color all day.
--
While going to the water fountain to refill my water bottle:
Student: What's the name of your bottle?
Me: George
Student: Mine is named Franklin.
And, for the record, his bottle was ghost-shaped because it was one of those Halloween party favors. And, I actually don't refer to my bottle as George. I made up a name on the spot just to see how my student would respond.
--
Student: What day do we get out for Christmas Break?
Me: December 20th
Student: You mean they're making us come to school on Christmas Eve?!?
Me: No, we don't have school on Christmas Eve.
Student: What day is Christmas?
Me: What day do you think Christmas is?
Student: Well, I thought it was on the 21st, but that would make Christmas Eve on the 20th. And, you said we didn't have school on Christmas Eve.
--
Student: Are you Amish?
Me: No
Another Student: Just to be honest, you do look Amish. You have an Amish haircut.
Because side-swept bangs and lots of layers just yells Amish, right?
--
Student: I'm so excited. The Dallas Cowboys are going to be playing the Green Bakers.
Me: Who are they going to be playing?
Student: The Green Bakers.
Me: Are you sure they're going to be playing The Green Bakers?
Student: Yeah.
Me: I don't know a lot about football, but I'm pretty sure they're going to be playing The Green Bay Packers.
Student: That's what I said.
I don't know why I'm like this today. Usually, everything you say is NOT funny to me.. But, today everything you say is funny. I guess it's the Christmas spirit inside of me or something.
Thanks...
--
<While discussing a future relationship situation that I might find myself in someday. For this to make sense, you do have to know that I'm a vegetarian.>
He'll be eating a 48 ounce steak, and you'll be eating a 48 ounce salad.
This was followed, of course, by uproarious laughter from my entire class. Oooh...what would a 48 ounce salad look like? What size bowl would it be in? I can see a math problem forming...
--
While making an ordered pair foldable:
Me: When you open up the outside flaps of the foldable, you will find another foldable inside. Isn't it just adorable?
Student: I see what you did there.
<Laughter>
Me: I don't get it.
Student: A"door"able
Me: Pun unintended. That time. It will be definitely intended, though, for the rest of the day!
--
Me: Can you believe that tomorrow is November?
Student: No. What month comes next? January?
Obviously, this conversation took place on Halloween...
--
Student: Why do we have to go to school on Halloween?
Me: Because it's not a National holiday.
Student: But, they celebrate it all across the US. Doesn't that make it national?
I guess I should have said federal holiday. They did have a point.
--
After telling students a joke that a kid at my church shared with me:
"That's so funny I fell off my pet dinosaur."
"That's so funny I have tears running down my leg."
--
I named my fish "Smithy." It's actually short for "Will Smith." I named him that because he's my only black fish.
So terrible.
--
So, you drive a grandma car, you own a bunch of cats, and you have a box of barbies in your cabinet. I'm worried about you.
My students make me feel so loved. And, for the record, I do not own a cat. And, I don't think I drive a grandma car. I do have a box of barbies, however. How else could we do Barbie Bungee later in the year???
--
One day, I didn't notice the lights flicker. This led to this proclamation:
"Either we're all on meth and you're not, or you're on meth."
--
Ms. Hagan, I have something I need to get off my chest. My cousin thinks you're cute, and he wants me to ask you out for him...but he's kind of a blank space...
I have no idea who her cousin is, and I don't even want to know.
--
Me: Why does everybody keep commenting on my hair?
Student: Well, it does look like you just woke up.
Another Student: Have you been outside recently?
Me: No.
Yet Another Student: Maybe you've stood by an open window recently? (I think this girl was really trying to make it better...)
Me: No.
Next time, I will just keep my observations to myself!
--
Me: If you can't be kind, be quiet.
Student: Wait! I thought it was if you can't be kind, say two nice things.
--
I saw hexaflexagons in my dream last night.
Yes!
--
Student: Ms. Hagan, can I come in here at lunch?
Me: Yes. You can always come in my room at lunch.
<Student stalks off, angrily.>
Student: I have black contacts in. No one has noticed my different eye color all day.
--
While going to the water fountain to refill my water bottle:
Student: What's the name of your bottle?
Me: George
Student: Mine is named Franklin.
And, for the record, his bottle was ghost-shaped because it was one of those Halloween party favors. And, I actually don't refer to my bottle as George. I made up a name on the spot just to see how my student would respond.
--
Student: What day do we get out for Christmas Break?
Me: December 20th
Student: You mean they're making us come to school on Christmas Eve?!?
Me: No, we don't have school on Christmas Eve.
Student: What day is Christmas?
Me: What day do you think Christmas is?
Student: Well, I thought it was on the 21st, but that would make Christmas Eve on the 20th. And, you said we didn't have school on Christmas Eve.
--
Student: Are you Amish?
Me: No
Another Student: Just to be honest, you do look Amish. You have an Amish haircut.
Because side-swept bangs and lots of layers just yells Amish, right?
--
Student: I'm so excited. The Dallas Cowboys are going to be playing the Green Bakers.
Me: Who are they going to be playing?
Student: The Green Bakers.
Me: Are you sure they're going to be playing The Green Bakers?
Student: Yeah.
Me: I don't know a lot about football, but I'm pretty sure they're going to be playing The Green Bay Packers.
Student: That's what I said.