0 Things Teenagers Say...Volume Four

Alternately Titled: Crazy Conversations With My Students

(See Volume 1, Volume 2, and Volume 3 for more craziness.)

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Me: You may use your notebook on this quiz.  You may not use a friend on this quiz.
Student: What if my notebook is my friend?

Best Interactive Notebook Compliment Ever.  End of Story.  

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Me: What did you have for breakfast?
Student: Oatmeal.
Me: I had Cheerios.  I know you were wondering.
Student: What did you have for breakfast?
Me: I just told you.  I had Cheerios.  Were you not listening to me?
Student: I heard you.  I just thought it would be impolite to not ask you since you asked me.

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Student: You seem like the type of person who would have a guy trapped in their basement.

Creepiest Comment Ever.  Do I really give off these vibes?!?!

A week later:

Me: He's not my boyfriend.
Student: Yeah, he's your hostage.

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A student said something rude to me, and his punishment was to say two nice things about me in return.

"You have nice cheekbones."

How many teenage boys comment on people's cheekbones???

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What did the dinosaur get when it jumped in the pool?
Wet.

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What did the robot say to the centipede?
Stop being a centipede.

I think my students take after me in the joke department. 

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Student: Are you positive?
Me: Yes.
Student: What are you having?
Another Student: Who is the daddy?
Yet Another Student: Don't you know you're never supposed to say yes if someone asks if you are positive?

All I could do was shake my head and try to move on with the lesson...

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Student: What's your favorite movie?
Me: It's a toss-up between Sweet Home Alabama and How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days.
<Hysterical Laughter from Multiple Students>
Me: Guys, what's so funny?
Student: What was the name of that second movie?
Me: How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days
<More Hysterical Laughter>
Student: Isn't that a movie about how to avoid stalkers?  Why would that be your favorite movie?
Me: You've never seen How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days, have you?
Student: Why would I watch a movie about avoiding stalkers?

Finally, another student spoke up and agreed with me that it was a really good movie that was NOT about avoiding stalkers.