0 Things Teenagers Say...Volume Two

Today, I present to you Volume 2 of Things Teenagers Say.  In case you missed Volume 1, you can check it out here.



"What year was it last year?"

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Student: Would you kill your kid for 5 million dollars?
Me: First, I don't have a kid.  And, no, I wouldn't kill my child if I had one.
Student:  But, it's five million dollars!

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Student: You'll never guess what the other math teacher just said!
Me: What did he say?
Student: Well, another student asked him "What's up?"  And, he said, "My blood pressure."  

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Student: Ms. Hagan, can I tell you about my dream?
Me: Well, we're kind of in the middle of a lesson right now.  Can it wait?
Student:  I guess, but you were in my dream.  So, I really need to tell you about it.
Me: Remind me about it when I get done explaining today's lesson.  Then, you can tell us all about your dream.
<Five minutes later>
Me: Everyone should be working on their assignment now.  If you have any questions, make sure you check your notebook first before asking for help.
Student: But, you never let me tell you about my dream.
Me:  Okay, tell us about your dream.
Student: Well, I dreamed that you were in a psycho hospital.
Me: Lovely...

(The student then proceeded to tell us her entire dream.  It involved two of my students coming to visit me in the hospital.  But, they stopped at a bridge along the way, and one of my students fell off the bridge and died.  The other student was so distraught that she returned home without visiting me.  A while later, she and another friend decided to come visit me again.  But, they stopped at the bridge to honor the memory of their dead friend.  While at the bridge, the second friend was possessed by the spirit of the dead friend.  This possessed child then came to the hospital and helped me to escape.  Somehow, I'm pretty sure we all ended up back at the bridge, dead.  I cannot make these things up.)
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I wish my mind was a printer so I could always show my work.

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While pointing to a three-hole punch that is setting on my desk:
"Is this a stapler or a hole punch?"

Apparently three-hole-punches are a thing of the past?

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"Don't touch this." - Written near a pool of dried blood on a student's homework assignment.  I wish I was making this up!

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Don't say "quiz"!  You're hurting my best friends that are on the side of my face.

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Student: Where are you from?
Me: I grew up in Coweta.
Student: What state is that in?
Me: Oklahoma.  It's only a little over an hour away from here.
Student: Oh.  You don't sound like you're from Oklahoma.  You have an accent.
Me: I have an accent?!?
Student: Yeah.  You have a Wisconsiny accent.  I have family in Wisconsin, and you sound exactly like them.

After this conversation, I felt a need to question my statistics students the next hour.

Me: Guys, do I have an accent?  One of my students last hour said that I have an accent.
Student: I wouldn't say you have an accent, but you do have a specific way of saying things.
Me: Oh.  This students said I don't sound like I'm from Oklahoma.  She said I sound like I'm from Wisconsin.
Student:  I've met people from Wisconsin, and you don't sound like them.  But, you don't sound like you're from Oklahoma.  Maybe that's because you speak properly.

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A few weeks ago, my Algebra 1 students BOMBED a distributive property quiz.  I was incredibly frustrated and ready to move on, but my students weren't.  So, I printed off an Algebra with Pizzazz worksheet.  I'm not the biggest fan of these worksheets.  My math teachers in middle school and high school used them, and it seems like the first person to finish always announces the answer to the joke.  Then, the other students write down the answer to the joke and don't actually have to do the math.  I still use them sometimes because I love that they allow students to continually check their work, but I do make a big point of telling students that NO WORK = NO GRADE.  The worksheet we were doing that day had a particularly cheesy joke that my students did not find humorous at all.  I, however, found the joke to be quite amusing.  It was one I had never heard before, and it made me chuckle.

Upon discovering this, I was told, "You need to update your sense of humor."